I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
