dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
