I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
