i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize