Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
