i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize