Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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