Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Randomize
