My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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