Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
