It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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