Fuck appropriateness.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
