I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
smell my finger.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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