just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
