with your own penis?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
His hands were made for my vagina.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
