2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
