can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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