dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
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I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
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Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize