I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
