Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
