wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
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My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
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Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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