hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
