Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
