either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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