I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
