if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
