If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
