You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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