Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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