So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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