Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
