Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
