yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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