I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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