Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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