im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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