Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
