I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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