So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
