wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
