I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Is Oprah even human
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
