Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
