her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
