woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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