do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My penis needs a shock collar
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
