when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
