So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
