I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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