I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize