3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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