you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
