Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
