this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
