I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
