It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
only if we run a train.
done.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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