There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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