And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
