Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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