I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Randomize
