Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
