thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
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So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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