Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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