I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
