I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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