I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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