She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
