Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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