I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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