Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
