Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
