3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
