I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
