The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
