If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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