all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
