Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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