I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
