omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I looked at my own cervix.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
