I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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