I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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