You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
