Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
