Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
